Yesterday I was with my friends in the evening celebrating a birthday at a nice coffee shop. Since we knew the owner, we were allowed to bend the rules and walk all over the place. As the evening passed the number of guests at the party grew, so three of my friends and me sat on a far away table(from the group) near the entrance(there was no other empty table at that time).
After a while my acting teacher(who was also at the party) was passing us and stopped for a moment at our table. He looked very pleased and out of the blue made a statement to the four of us that simply blew my mind away. I dont know what prompted him to say it but this is what he said:
You know what is common between you guys? You hold back everything… Anger, pain… but the most beautiful thing about you all is that you dont hold back affection…
My friend instantly remarked “Ah that is a character flaw!”. After we all laughed, he told us that even though its a beautiful thing its not necessarily good for us to always be like that. I don’t know how well that quote holds good for me but I can testify that its perfect for my friends who were there.
Now let me tell you a little about the friends. I believe that one of the ways of understanding someone is see the way they treat absolute strangers. I understand that a person may be different with different people but a person who is generally kind to strangers is very similar with their friends. I have known these friends for a long time now and one of the amazing thing about them is way they welcome strangers into the group. I remember back when i was a stranger to them and they made me really comfortable and before long I was a part of the group. Each one had their worries and problems but they always put the comfort of those around them ahead of that… That statement did make sense in that context.
Then I thought about it in a different way, maybe that statement was intended to talk about how they treated others but rather about how they treated themselves…
When you hell bent in trying to make others feel good, you tend to sacrifice your own comfort along the way. I have know people who despite their own problems are prepared to listen and help out others. They always have a smile on their face even when something that was done or said just a few moments ago hurt them terribly… They just tell themselves, this person wasn’t intending to hurt me (s)he just said that coz its funny. They even laugh at humor at their expense. They are always there to ask you on the day you look a little glum and prepared to be the person listening to your issues.
I have known people whom I have never seen sad or upset. They are always cheerful and hell they even make fun of the biggest problems of their lives.
That somehow seemed to fit more perfectly… So, what is the problem with that?
Well, for starters they are almost always taken for granted. After a while people dont even think twice making fun of them, assuming all the while that they are sportive enough to “take it”. People begin to assume that they have no problems of their own and slowly become dependent on these people to make their life better. They dont get to make a fuss about petty issues coz that is not expected from them…
Somehow I think he was hinting more at the latter…