Yesterday I was reading a short story I wrote about 5 years ago. I was amazed at how my writing has changed over time. While I hope that I write better now, there is one thing I know for sure, the past ‘me’ had unlimited spirit in writing.
Just reading through five pages of text gave enough perspective to juxtapose the twenty year old me and present me. Sadly I wasn’t too thrilled at what I saw…
Time has certainly effected my writing. Back then I wrote because I wanted to truly communicate my ideas. It was almost like I was drowning in my own thoughts if I couldn’t tell someone what I wanted to say.
Also, it wasn’t just a matter of informing someone, I put a decent price for my ideas. It was almost as if like I wanted to find the worthy reader for my ideas. The ideas were almost always deeply and vaguely inserted in my story telling.
What was amazing was that I subconsciously was very good at following the rules of telling stories. These rules came naturally to me (ok, it was trail and error but I was a quick learner :D ). The knowledge of these rules are what have kept the fire running and knowing that made me a little happier :)
Compared to the present my thoughts were very clear back then. I guess I let ideas mature in my mind for much longer before bringing them up. I had very clear beliefs and explored them incessantly. In many ways writing was almost a religious and holy task for me…
My thoughts about love, life, god, ethics, happiness and others have all changed over time. I was much more confident of my beliefs back then, now the beliefs are more based on what I feel is truly important, yet they seem fragile… Maybe they always were fragile… maybe it was me who never paid any attention to its fragility.
So that begs the question… what caused this change? The answer I guess lies in the lovely quote “Change is the only constant”.
For one, writing this blog has had its effects. Back then I would bundle up ideas and present them in as if in a bouquet of different flowers. With the blog it became a case of one flower a time, dressed up for the show. That has had its positive effects too, thanks to it I could have fruitful conversations with people across the world, about ideas and thoughts which would have been impossible without this medium.
Priorities had their effect too, I was focused on one or two things at most back then.. Now I seem to be running left right and center… A moments rest seems like a luxury and an hour contemplating seems impossible.
There is so much I can learn from 20 year old me… But like every lesson in the world, this too I believe has to be left to the learner to conquer…