New Sense

I have always wanted to write my autobiography. It doesn’t matter if it ever got published or if anyone other than me ever read it… What matters to me is to write it, to do that journey back in my mind to places I had been, scenes I had seen, people I had met and happiness I had shared.

The last four years of my life has been well documented thanks to this blog and my writings in my personal journal and at other places, but its the time before that where things are hazy. I have very little memories about my childhood… a few special days, photos that recreate scenes that I recognize… but its no where near enough.

My teenage years have lots of important and special memories, People and places that cannot be separated from who I was, what I wanted to be and what I became… Then my recent past, stronger and sweeter memories… Events that if I close my eyes I can feel them happening right then and there…

There is a lot about the last 25 years that are truly special to me. I have never mentioned those events and people in my blog or my writings. So I have decided to write this series of posts which talk about these 25 years of my life.

This has probably been done before but I am going to try something different. The mind you see does not sort things according to chronological order, it has this awesome tagging system that links events together. Each post will be about a common theme and my experiences about that theme… in chronological order.

Now a lot of the things I mention here will be deeply personal, so not all posts will be available publicly. My Lj friends will have the benefit of seeing most of these posts and even fewer will have access to all of the posts. Sorry guys but I need to do this as a few of things I mention will be about people who are probably going to be reading my blog…

So here is to a new beginning… right back from square one…

Ps: If you are not an LJ friend and want access to my personal posts, mail me

All through the interview her pretty eyes had this sense of awe in them.  Her entire evening had simply slipped by as she sat in apt attention listening him.  Him, a man whom she hadnt even heard of till about a week ago.

For the seventy year old man, it was somewhat disagreeable to sit and talk on a day as fine as this.  After the first few questions he stood up abruptly and said that he would only continue the interview if they could walk down the lake while he answered the questions.  The condition was posed in such a charming way that she couldnt find any reason to object.

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My life for the last few weeks has been in the ‘;’ phase. Not really zooming past, not really stationary. It has been as though something has been weighing me down, making me wait before moving on.

It will be unfair to say that nothing interesting happened in the last few weeks. Having a good look and rediscovering your priorities… how bout reevaluating your beliefs, they dont sound all that uninteresting do they.

Life has become like a tiger, waiting in the banks for the right time to make that dash to attack the prey. The wait has taken too long but you just know deep down that any moment now things will get exciting all over again.

I of course did not realize that life was slipping into this phase. Before I knew it I was in the middle of it and like a first time swimmer in a three foot deep pool, I kept struggling without knowing that I wasnt exactly drowning.

I recently told my colleague that the only thing in my life right now that is perfect is that I run. I decided to run that will be organized at the end of the next month and that has kept me going since. My training has kept my mind sane and focused… (more on that later)

Anyway, this weekend i will be travelling again after almost 3 months. I just know deep down that I need this… Its time… Time to come out of the striped grass and run after something with all my heart

I was recently thinking about my reduced drive to write short stories. I tracked this lack of inspiration all the way back to the time I started this blog. Now that made me wonder, had I not started this blog would I have written far more short stories?

It very easy to pull out a calculation. Something like, I have written about a 1000 posts in the past 3 years, about 400(actually much more) of those required genuine time and thought dedication (as in they werent photos/forwards/lyrics ect). Considering an average of about 1 page per post, that gives me about 400 pages of decent content. My average short story length is about 6 pages. That gives me 75 short stories!
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When I finished writing The Sculptor’s Statue about a year and a half ago, i could not have guessed the impact it would have on me. The circumstances that led me to write that short story are still very much private, but I truly consider that my finest and most honest writing experience.

A few of my friends have read that story but no one actually came close to understanding the undercurrent of the story. Maybe it was that thought that dried up the ink in my pen… or maybe it was the absolute satisfaction of finishing my goal… I still ponder over that drought that came after the storm.

Last week it was a similar inspiration that drove me to pen down The Old Man And The Mountain. The title is clearly inspired by the Ernest Hemingway book I read recently “The Old Man And The Sea“… I guess the philosophical lessons are deep down similar too but for me the most important thing was that it gave me that ‘want’ to write again…

My style of writing has drastically changed over the 6 years I have been writing short stories. The themes and inspirations have morphed according to my beliefs and priorities. I sometimes read one of my earlier stories and smile at the realization that I am incapable of such writing anymore.

There was a part of me that regretted the thought that the fire that fueled my writing had died out, but now I see a small spark and there is cause for celebration