I walked the plains in search of what I wanted.
I knew where to find it,
And followed the directions on the compass.
Only when I reached my destination,
I realized that it wasn’t my goal,
I had followed the wrong compass.

Everybody is in search of the right direction, some use experience, some use intuition, some use faith and some use that compass deep inside their heart.

Took these photos as I waited for my carpool yesterday. Remembered to post about it after reading Swetha’s post! What were the odds of that happening?

Whenever I would have a dream, it turned out to be very important to me. I think its got to do more with my belief that dreams are messages from the subconscious. Considering that I did not have many to work with most often than not I would end up making sense of my dreams and it would almost always give me a better understanding of myself. Some of the biggest realizations of my life have occurred to me while interpreting dreams.

In the past few weeks the number of dreams I am having has been increasing exponentially. Havent been able to pin point the cause of this surge in dreams, maybe its got to do with the crash I had a while back ( It probably shook that part of my brain active )

Now the dreams were really intresting, and have gotten me thinking about a lot of things… Nothing too drastic but little nice things about myself and how I feel about people in my life. One more thing it has me doing now is keeping a dream journal.

What is a dream journal?
Well its like a diary where you write about your dreams, whome you interacted with, what you did, where you were, how it ended ect.

Guess I will be doing a lot more web searches with the terms “dream interpretation” from now on

• Started watching a lot of "That 70’s Show". Remember watching season 1 on tv but then had abruptly stopped.
• Finished Sophie’s World after like forever.
• Picked up ‘Pride and Prejudice’, someone I know is a huge fan and I haven’t read much of the classics so guess its a good place to start.
• Also reading "Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel", had received it as a gift for my bday. Scott Adams is totally hilarious.
• Met with a road accident a couple of days back. I dont have problems admitting my mistake, especially if its an accident but this time it was totally the other guy’s fault. Bruised my knee pretty bad. Stayed home for the past couple of days.
• Dont know if its the medication but I have been drowsy most of the time, hardly can concentrate on anything. Lost of pending work and its does not help to know you have the time but cant get your mind to focus.
• Watched a bunch of movies, seems like the only thing I can do in this state
• Realized that the thing I miss most coz of my immobility is running and exercising So badly waiting to get back on my feet

A few more special things happened but those deserve a separate post.

That day as we checked and double checked, panicked and told others not to panic, I was standing on the stage looking at the empty chairs we were hoping would be filled the next day and a finite piece of my past rushed back to me. This was the same place I had performed for the first time, almost 2 years ago.

Ironically it seemed apt that I was performing at this place. Almost a week before the preform ace I had decided to take a long break from theater. The last month or so had been hard and I was slowly beginning to realize how much I had ignored other parts of my life, I was really looking forward for this break… In ways this added to the magic of it all, there is an amazing bond between the actor and the stage which is hard to explain. Sometimes you just ‘need’ the stage in your performance and it becomes a part of the performance.

As the time drew closer, the nostalgia was building. It felt as though things were falling into place… There was so much happening everywhere that it was hard to keep track of things. The number of people who had volunteered was shockingly large and their dedication was inspirational. That had to be the biggest takeaway from this experience. I truly understood the meaning of the term “selflessness” in those few days.

Once the play started things were happening in fast forward, actors entering and exiting the stage. Laughter and claps echoed at regular intervals… Soon it was time for me to get on stage… Once you are on stage, time just seems to fly… Before you know it the play is over and the curtain call is happening.

When you look back at how much blood and sweat was put into that play, it makes you wonder if you could again be a part of something so amazing. I don’t know if the play was really good or if we could have done better (the audience did like it ) but one thing that was definitely true was that it was probably impossible to have put in a better combined effort than what we managed for those special evenings.

We were a small bunch of close friends in college and we used to hang out all the time… When you know somebody for so long you just have this unseen bond, their happiness becomes yours too

I just cant stop smiling… If you happen to meet me today you might notice that my smile is a little longer

Ps: The title is a quote from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Obviously its apt but it seems so much more apt considering the show its from

The waves have a way of making you feel like a giant and dwarf at the same time… I have rarely stood at the beach and have not been humbled by the sea.

Ps: The only regret this time was that the sky was cloudy and I could not see any stars… That would have made the moment perfect.

That was the piece of trivia a friend of mine shared with me about a year ago. His enthusiasm was obvious and we both knew that this kind performance would be once in a lifetime.

Heath Ledger’s performance was beyond words. After a long time I was actually watching a movie expecting it to be great, kept telling myself that it would ruin the movie for me but frankly the movie was so engaging that it proved me wrong.

I have some idea of the reason, a common epicenter for all my ennui… But deep down I know its not directly related to one issue.

There is that overwhelming feeling of drifting through space. A feeling that just does not go away, a feeling that drives you to just watch time go by and not respond to it.

Sometimes the hollowness of it all hits you and you just feel lonely. It doesn’t matter if you are in a crowded busy place, with strangers or with people you know, you just feel as if you are alone on a planet.

In the past few years I have always known what I wanted to do and knew very well the path I would walk on, for the first time in years I am a wanderer, a nomad in a desert with no end and I dont like it.

In all the loneliness I found peace in two sources. One was poetry, something about profound thinking that made me feel smothered and brought back sanity into my thoughts. The other was a voice from an unlikely source that made me if only for a few minutes forget my worries.

Ironically I know very well that I need to walk thru this darkness for a bit. As Harvey Dent puts it best in The Dark Knight “The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.”

This post is dedicated to Satish, who could have wished for anything in the world but wanted this. This my way of showing the world that some wishes do come true

Me: Life changes doesn’t it, after a while priorities change… people change. Its just unfortunate that things don’t stand still and remain the way you like it.

Him: So what changed? Do you think we have changed and in the process havent seen what it was doing to him?
Me: I dont know man… Someone once told me that loneliness has the amazing ability to change people and their priorities. Sometimes its a small minute change that is required that has so much of an effect to your thoughts and your action.
Him: You think he is feeling lonely?
Me: Well… sometimes you can be with the best of your friends having a great time… People around you who love you but still you can feel like the only person on the planet. Its a feeling that is hard to explain…
Him: Alone? You think so?
Me: Well not exactly alone, I mean you have people around you who care and all but… its more like a person who understands a specific feeling inside you, whome you dont have to say a word and yet you have conveyed all you want or someone with whome when you speak you just forget time and worries and fears.
Him: I am worried for him man.
Me: These things have a way of resolving itself man. Frankly we might be reading the situation all wrong… All in all I just hope he doesn’t do anything hastily.
Him: Hastily?
Me: Yep, these situations tends to make people jump the gun. As long as he is level headed and knows that things will fall in place he is fine.
Him: I think its got more to do with change man.
Me: Change?
Him: Yeah, I think we all have changed man. Things were not the way they were about a year back. There is nothing wrong in it changing but maybe none of us noticed that we were changing. You know, humans are sometimes so adaptable that they dont even know that they have changed to suit a situation.
Me: Yeah man, change can be a difficult sometimes. But he will come around man, it will take a while but he will come around.

I have this amazing ability to give the right gift to the wrong person as well. I have given a gift to person A when person B would have loved it a million times more. Its only when you mention B what you gave A that the expression on B’s face would have told you, ‘that gift has the wrong address on it.’

Giving gifts has become so much of a nightmare lately that I have slowly begun to feel that just chipping in for a gift is a much better idea rather than making that effort to go get something

Ironically I have loved every gift I have ever got, maybe its got to do more with me just loving surprises. Hell even when I know I am getting something I can get really excited if I did not have an idea before hand what I was getting. This is one of the reasons I dont like telling people what I like to get… Of course a keen eye can easily figure out the things I fancy

So what is all this talk about gifts. Yeah its got to do with my birthday. I totally loved the gift I got but its not regarding that. Over the past week a friend of mine was pestering me to know what I wanted as a gift. She wanted a list of things I wanted so that she could pick one and get me. Considering I like surprises I wasnt too excited with the offer…

Anyway looks like I have already had my fair share of surprises this year so I ain’t exactly complaining about anything